So many experiences available in the market of healing arts and personal growth, spiritual initiations, adventures and other enticing possibilities… But what is really an experience that transforms and brings remembrance?
As I was invited to write something under this title, I was tuning in, opening to what might come through …
On the surface, experiences can be added on and on, as life is EXPERIENCE. But not all absorb and receive what life is offering. So, what is the difference?
Suddenly, I realized that there are experiences that can fill and entertain, or make us emptier and more sensitive. In fact, we can pass through experiences in different ways – even the same events can have distinguished effects. It is often the case that experiences are collected as beads on a string, and then remembered as something that ranged from awesome to terrible, and all colors in between, used as a tale when we are trying to define ourselves, or fill up social time with interesting remarks.
As a fiery young woman, I had a radical realization that all my expressions were dead as soon as they manifested. I used to paint and take photos, and all the images that were so much appreciated by others seemed to be dead as soon as they would appear in front of my eyes. Being rather talented, I decided to drop it all and leave in search of something I did not even know how or where I would find. My sense was that with my images I was conveying experiences of feelings and emotions that I had sensed and then translated in colors and forms. But they were not alive any longer, as the experiences had passed.
As I ended up in India and stayed there for a few years, not retaining anything in images, but in flesh and silence, I realized that I had moved into another dimension of sensitivity. I was living and experiencing in a way that instead of being fuller, I was getting emptier.
How so? Each day was fresh without preconceived ideas of how, where, what was going to happen. Every situation was received in that blank canvas of no expectation, and no aims. I just wanted to feel what it was to be without any references, and there I was living as a sadhu, with nothing to report, but sensing an increasing vibration of life force within.
The outer experiences were many, and intense, and surprising. However, they almost immediately dissolved into power and silence. It was as if I was being carved from the inside out, becoming less and less of what I knew to be “me”, and sensing more and more the never ending potential of all colors, all tastes, all sounds, all touch… Nothing was ever the same the second time… Reporting to anyone about anything that had happened did not make sense, so I spent a few years hardly speaking and with no written communication with anyone.
That period of time was fundamental for all that came afterwards, my further work as a healer-group facilitator, and even much later the way I started to paint and capture images again. Creating experiences that bring reflection and dissolve what has been, continuously opening space for fresh perspectives, erasing preconceptions and instilling remembrance of our inner empty canvas. Instead of accumulating, decreasing identity…
Less is better.
Even though this does not sound glamorous in the Western world of conquering and acquiring, the magic only starts to happen when we create inner space to receive. Then experiences have value not for what they add, but for what they take away.