Relating through kindness

By Kunji Baerwald


The Dalai Lama said in one of his books that he talks to everyone in the same way, wheather he is the president oft he United States, a garbage man or a murderer.

This quote stayed with me.

Of course it is a great intention to behave like this. But whenever i see how people, including myself, behave in daily life this usually isn`t the case.

It does not mean to tolerate every action somebody takes or that you can`t be mad or angry with someone, but it means that you meet that person in a respectful and open way.


Some other great keywords often mentioned by Masters like Osho and the Dalai Lama that helped me out on my way in being with others are:

Kindness, Friendliness and Compassion.

These are words that give me a guideline when I feel insecure, unconnected or not in peace with how my meetings with other people go.


And like everything you give to the outer world you have to start with yourself. How am I relating to myself? Am I actually kind to myself?

What helps me the most is to imagine that I am my own best friend. How would I treat a person that I love and care for?

This simple thought often brings me right into my heart. And it turns the focus to rather be giving then expecting from the other.


I remember especially one situation where friendliness did the magic.

I was working in my shared Studio. On one day it was only me and one other woman working there. Although i knew her for almost a year, I still felt quite uncomfortable around her. She gave me the feeling that she really did not like me. Her answers were very short, she hardly smiled at me and I had the feeling that she put a solid wall between us.

It was hard for me to act normal around her. So I also put up a cool face. Trying to give her the same feeling.

I knew it was going to be a long working day. I really didn`t like the situation and I was wondering what I could do to feel more in peace with her and with me. I could confront her and ask why she behaves like that. But I did not find the right words in my mind.  She also never did anything wrong toward me.

I realised that it actually did not really matter to me, how she behaved but that I had the wish for myself to find a way to be more relaxed and come from a friendly place instead of behaving in reaction to her.

So I imagined that she would be one of my very best friends. Only by the thought I could see how my energy shifted.  Whenever I talked to her I did it in a kind, warm and more relaxed way.

At the end we were sitting together at 1 am drinking Glühwein, chatting about the world and appreciating how much nicer it is to work next to someone instead of working alone.