Last Sunday we celebrated DIMA´s second birthday with many people and friends. I am so happy that I could join the party and want to thank Charu and Kanika that they have created this place where people can experience in so many different ways.
And thanks to all who have contributed in many different ways.
I spend one week at DIMA and it was a great experience for me because I came alone without my partner and kids and found it amazing how deep it went to live in a commune. I got totally lost and my old patterns were coming up. I felt my old abandonment wound and it took me a lot of strength not to fall into isolation, which used to happen in the past.
I was feeling lost and at the same time tried to remain in contact with others. It felt like a journey between isolation and contact – something in between, is was not really clear.
Sure enough I was relentlessly mirrored by the others in my unclarity, so they went their ways and I was left alone. This was hard to take, even though one part of myself knew that they are doing it because some other things had priority and another part of myself felt lost and in pain.
The only chance I had was to share my dilemma with them and tell them what I was feeling and to take it all to myself with the awareness that nobody can hurt me unless the wound is already there. There was also the awareness that I either put out and communicate my deep emotions or go back to the isolation that I already knew very well.
Why am I so scared to show myself with my deepest hidden feelings as being helpless, or lost? – because I assume that people will reject me.
In DIMA´s space it was possible for me to relate myself with these feeling, one more step towards independency and freedom. Basically it is the plain fear which keeps us in difficult situations away from the others, because we are afraid to be rejected or hurt.
To feel so weak and remain with others, in connection, started a good healing process in myself. Crying and laughing were taking place at the same time. I felt so deeply connected with the others that I did not like to hide myself any more. It felt so good just to hang out with friends, just being together.
Loneliness is the bridge to feeling All-one
It is in relating to others which finally heals our wounds.
When the trauma is being neglected we go into isolation. But to feel this isolation, shame and pain which comes with it, without leaving ourselves, leads us to the bridge to connection and to feeling all one.
These are very different worlds we move in. On one hand we are in our body and have an ego which want to be nourished and on the other hand we have awareness and are connected with the whole universe.
How to move in these two worlds?
Thank you Charu and Kanika and all others who have contributed to this wonderful space in DIMA where people can practice to walk on that bridge.