Osho, Yoga: A New Direction, Talk #7
I’m on the path of no return. My only true ambition is becoming Myself – Authentic, Real, Genuine, Truthful.
Once I met my master Osho, THIS has become my only purpose, even if I was quite unaware of it for a long time. It’s not my decision, it is happening and I have no idea where it will end up. Because I have tasted who I am, I’ve become addicted to truthfulness – that undeniable sensation of something timeless coming through me, unfiltered and undiluted – and my longing to be authentic, no matter what the circumstances, is increasing.
Through the decades of experiencing myself intensely in so many situations, places and communities, I’ve grown internal antennas that are getting finer and more perceptive to who I am Not.
I can see, often quite clearly, when I’m acting from my mind and my conditionings, with my ideas of who I am obscuring my true being. Mostly then, all I can do is to just stand by and observe helplessly how my true Self can’t seem to shine through. My authentic Being seems to be trapped by streams of thoughts, rigid ideas, and the reactions to outside situations. This hurts, but fighting it doesn’t help. And also there isn’t a specific trick, tool or recipe available to make myself authentic. It happens by Grace, often totally unexpected. But one thing I can truthfully say – that these moments of being uniquely Myself have increased in the last years, and so has my longing to stay this way forever. Right, but that brings up the question: to stay in what way exactly? My authenticity doesn’t seem to be bound to a particular expression, though there is a uniqueness to my Being I can’t deny. This applies to everyone’s Being, of course. I only know that throughout my life, I have experienced authentic expressions of myself in so many different ways, from being in deep silence enjoying my solitude, to melting away in the arms of my Beloved in Tantric bliss, or dancing like a mad Dervish amongst my fellow travelers until nothing remained but the dance. I’ve also felt truth coming through when the sudden intense fire of anger – pure and unfiltered – expressed itself like a roaring tiger, or when a childlike sobbing overcomes me through a sudden hit of awe and wonder of being alive in this world.
My concepts of being a Sannyasin, of how to be a true seeker and proper disciple, are often my stumbling stones, and I can see that they are the hardest to let go of because they are a part of my identity.
And yet, my seekers personality is also the driving force, bringing me to jump again and again into situations that will confront me with my ego and false notions of being this specific person. I look for challenges and experiments, for situations that put me to the test.
How do I know the difference of being Real or Not? My experience is, that when I’m authentic, I’m simple, I’m in the present, and I’m unafraid to express myself in whatever way is right in this particular moment. There is a fluid quality to it, a sense of inner spaciousness and borderlessness between the inner and the outer. In this state of truthfulness, I feel that all my expressions are pure, originating from this one eternal source. I’m full and empty at the same time, watching myself with joyous delight because I’m not doing IT but am allowing to be moved by life without resistance. My personality, my ego has stepped aside and has made space for truth to come through, allowing me to just Be – moment to moment – always changing, energies passing and becoming expressed in me as joy, sadness, anger, wildness, softness, laughter, awe, silence…..
I want to share one of my favorite stories, from one of Osho’s books:“Books I have Loved “ – the Velveteen Rabbit – which is reflecting this search for realness so wonderfully:
The story is about a small stuffed toy rabbit which is very much loved by a little boy and yet it’s asking another toy, the wise old Skinhorse, how to become Real. This dialog touches me deeply.
“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skinhorse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skinhorse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skinhorse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.
Once you’re Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always”
(by Margery Williams)
This is my experience too about becoming Real.
In these spaces of authenticity, it doesn’t matter to be naked and vulnerable, and that true nature is exposed, even in a phony world. I just can’t be hurt by anyone or anything. And still I’m able to feel the pain of duality and separation without having to run away from it.
I notice that, often when I’m in a crowd of people, no matter if they’re friends or strangers, I’m completely comfortable and at ease. I’m pulled by unexplainable natural forces towards the individuals who are most open to connect with me in this space of truth. Meeting those individuals who have this tangible aura of authenticity is always such a joy! This is when the Magic happens!
It makes me smile how playful life has been with me and how many wonderful beings I had the fortune to meet in this pure state. The urge to be surrounded by people who support my authenticity, my quest for truth and thirst for self-discovery has become a priority. This is the reason why DIMA and other Buddhafields around the world, are so important to me and I’m drawn to visit them again and again. I feel instantly at home there and can easily open my heart.
To watch others let go of their masks, to allow another being to see my original face, to experience truth together and grow more and more into our potential as we support each other – this is the most precious life I can imagine.
Dancing on the same path towards self-discovery together with my Beloved for over three decades, has been one of the greatest joys. We intimately know each other’s true face and there is much trust to just let the other see what wants to be seen. In my experience, there is no greater attraction to another Being then authenticity.
I’ve tasted too much of this genuine state of being authentic! And though the path hasn’t always been easy, I know with all my heart that I can’t ever go back – It’s the only way I want to be!
To be here-now is to be authentic. No past, no future: this moment all, this moment – the whole eternity.
by Prem Aruna Jacobi