Integrity and me

By Kanika Frings

2019-07-13

A big word that rings voluminous and weighty to me. I must admit i have been carrying this big word with it´s simple but somehow grand significance around with me for a while now.

What it really means i don’t dare say, as it must mean different things to different people. Almost like truth i can imagine it has subjective perspectives and the objective one might be impossible to formulate.

 

I can give you my, ever-changing, perspective on it however. I do love the word and its implications. It feels clean and gracious, though it can be hard to get by, or have a price to be payed for it.

I am often afraid of the price that it might ask in it´s return, but the more i feel and trust the integrity burning inside my heart, demanding it´s rightful space within my gut and through my voice, the fear shrinks to a whisper that can barely be perceived in the background to the loud knowing in the foreground.

Integrity.

Now, after running with it for some time, getting to know how it lives inside me, what it´s capacities are, battling with it´s unforgiving truths and righteous wrath and owning its levelheaded clarity, i have come to a place where i have grown attached to it, and something tells me that it is time to give it up again, to something greater then myself.

 

This might all sound a little vague, which could be inappropriate for such a solid, grounded subject, but i find it hard to find words for something so personal, that yet seems to have an utterly impersonal intelligence at it´s core.

 

Integrity is a clarity in direction and action (or inaction for that matter). It is a simple and distinct knowing that has nothing to do with judgement but everything to do with “right action”. Right not in the sense of right and wrong, but in the sense of “higher frequency”, for lack of better words.

Integrity has a certain power in it´s conviction, a calm passion if you like. Like an arrow. Being a focused energy that is perpetuated by the momentum of true will rather then effort.

 

Integrity has taught me to move beyond fear and helped me to discover a strength and discernment i did not know i had. I am gradually learning to trust my own and honour that of others.

I believe that opposing integrities do not need to be in conflict with each other, but can exist, respectfully, side by side.

 

Why i feel it is time to give up the wisdom and clarity that integrity has made available to me lately is because i feel that as soon as i get attached to a particular place and position, in comes a rigidity that doesn’t serve the fluent truth that true integrity seems to thrive of.

It otherwise merely becomes a moral stance, another dogma, a dead belief, an ego trip.

I want to give it up in order to ask again, anew. What is true? What is right? Right now, in this very moment. That, to me, is integrity. Moment to moment. Asking. Again and again. For truth. A higher truth. A truth that serves more then just the little understanding i have of the situation, the circumstance, the world around me.

I am interested in an integrity that can serve the bigger picture. And because i can not assume to know what that is, integrity demands that i keep on tuning in to that which does.

 

with love and integrity,

Kanika