I have come to believe that surrender is the answer. And i say that, not solemnly and dogmatically, but with a big grin in my heart. With a surrendering to that knowing, that comes from somewhere much deeper then where concepts and good intentions come from.
Sure, one can say “easier said than done”, or one could just do it. That´s what surrender is. Even surrendering to the idea of not being able to surrender.
To be fair, we must at least mention the fine line between surrender and passivity. Between letting go and giving up, between submissiveness and non-resistance, between inaction and right action.
All that can be taken apart and debated upon, which i will not be doing. I believe it it a simple matter of discernment from one´s center, whilst letting go of the idea that surrender means inaction.
To me surrender is an em-brace rather then a brace. A simple but conscious move toward dropping resistance. A saying yes. To that what is, as it is.
I am currently sitting in India, in my little “quiet” loud room, with my mouth numb from 4 dentist injections. India is the perfect place to practice surrender.
Time runs differently here and what is a quiet room here is a noisy room in most other parts of the world. When you are told “soon it will come”, you could wait anywhere between a few minutes and a few days.
The internet is out right now, and though i am meant to finish the program for 2020, as well as this Newsletter, by tomorrow, because i am supposedly going into retreat after that, there is a big chance that i will have to surrender to it not happening the way I want it to.
Or i fight and curse. Of course that too is an option. One that would require a whole lot more energy (which is currently required by my sore gums), and it would likely cause a much greater level of irritation.
I could be angry at the guy that gave us a dongle, promising it would provide wifi until the non-existing internet at home would be “fixed”.
I could cuss at the incapability of “third world countries” to provide decent networks, because “who the heck has time for this”.
I could feel stressed and guilty for the delay and the headache of it all. I could even give up on the self-imposed deadline altogether and simply say “fuck it”, it´s not happening.
Or i could just see what i can do instead.
Surrender. And look a new.
I am writing this, for now. It doesn’t´t require internet. Later we will see further. Perhaps tomorrow you will receive this Newsletter, perhaps not. I will do my very best, but i will neither uselessly drive myself crazy, nor blame the unassuming Indians for it.
Just to be clear, i am not a surrender-pro. I have a tendency to passivity and know battles all too well (usually internal ones).
Resistance tends to be my knee-jerk reaction. I have to breathe into surrender. Like anyone in doing rather then being mode, i need to firstly become aware of the unconscious, automatic defiance to unwelcome impact, before i can tackle the possibility of letting it go.
But, i am getting better. I am learning to distinguish between surrender and giving up and i am more frequently choosing for embracing instead of rejecting.
It´s a life changer, i swear.
There is so much suffering in rejecting. And believe it or not, we choose for it. Perhaps not consciously, but you can bet that if suffering is a big part of your life, there is great value for you in inspecting the places in your life that you have resistance to, or reject altogether. And rather then fighting, or wanting to get rid of these realities, perhaps you can try, with time and much compassion for yourself, to befriend and maybe one day, even embrace them.
Or, radically, right here, right now, say yes to it all. The yes, this i can say from experience (but don´t ask me how), alchemically transforms suffering into fertile soil for growth and expansion.
Though please, be mindful and vigilant to not spiritually bypass the process required to move from resistance to surrender. Even though it might need but an instant, it is not a matter of breathing out rejection and breathing in surrender. It requires a layer to be shed, a knot to be broken, a giving up of a thread in the structure that keeps us in control and thus life´s unpredictability at an imagined bay.
We have to be willing to trust without guarantees. We have to be able to say “yes” to the unknown and therefore “no” to that which we hold on to for safety and security.
We have to say yes unconditionally. Not as a means to an end. It is not a bargain, it is a yielding to thy will.
Then there is surrender.
It is not always a pretty, nor a pleasant process. Nor is it a linear one. It just is what it is; and a YES to that.
by Kanika Frings